Stop Saying "Sorry"
A year or two I got to thinking about how I negotiate my way around complete strangers
in the store. I tend to use the phrase "sorry" a lot as I stop my cart,
try and get around people, etc. When other people say "sorry", I usually
respond with "no problem". Accompanied with each "sorry" was
some sort of crouch as either they or I slinked by. But none of these phrases seemed
very satisfying. I wanted something better.
Saying "sorry" each time I caused someone else an inconvenience just seemed
to feel like I was saying "Sorry I exist". Doing that just makes me depressed,
especially if I say it more than 2 or 3 times in an afternoon. So I decided to stop
saying "sorry"...or at least say it when it seemed more appropriate.
Instead of saying "sorry", I say "Excuse me" and after I have
passed the other person, I say "Thank you". Instead of saying "no
problem", I say "You're welcome". I know...if they say "Sorry"
it doesn't make sense to say "You're welcome", but I am just trying to
respond to what they should have said, which is "Excuse me" followed with
a "Thank you". Or even just a "Thank you".
I have been doing this pretty-much most of the time for the last year at least,
and I like it. Once in a while I revert back to the old "Sorry", but I
am making progress. And I think saying "Thank you" makes me feel better,
too. Instead of feeling like I say "Sorry I exist", I am really saying
"Thank you for noticing and deferring to my needs". I have found this
much more satisfying, and I plan to continue it.
I still say "sorry" when I engage in conversations with other people,
though. If someone says something that I genuinely feel sorry for, I try and apologize.
I especially like being able to say "Sorry" when I have a plan for changing
my future behavior. And in fact, I sort of expect other people to have a plan to
change when they say "Sorry" to me. I know that most people do not have
the same opinion on this subject as I do, so I do not hold them to it. However,
some people abuse the word "sorry" and I get annoyed with them when they
do.
I don't like it when I use "sorry" to say "I'm sorry
to have brought up a touchy subject", or "I'm sorry you hamster died".
When people abuse "sorry" this way it feels empty, and I think I want
it to have meaning again. Hopefully I can bring the word to have greater meaning
in my own life, and maybe it will rub off on others. I know that already I see people
smile when I say "You're welcome", and that alone tells me I have
given them just a little more meaning in life.