Conflict is Essential for Teamwork
I read a great book a few years ago called The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team. This book talks about how companies can build up their teams through showing the 5 big things that cause teams to work less effectively. I don't remember 4 of the dysfunctions very well, but I remember one dysfunction very well: lack of conflict.
The Author, Patrick M. Lencioni, uses a fictional story to illustrate all of the 5 dysfunctions, and does it very believably and effectively. But lack of conflict stuck out to me because it seems to go against everything we are taught in church, hear from our friends, and told by society. How often do we tell ourselves we don't like the fighting that happens on the news, or in politics? And yet, life would not be interesting if it were devoid of conflict.
I know at hearing that, most people want to scoff at my assertion that conflict is essential to happiness, but I still believe it is essential. How many boring meetings have you been to? You sit there for an hour or two, practically (or literally) fall asleep, even though it is bright out. And yet, you can go into a dark room, sit wide-eyed and engaged for an hour or two, and come out awake and at times, enlivened: go watch a movie.
So what's the difference between a boring meeting and an engaging movie? The movie has much less interaction from the viewers, while the meeting can often have much more interaction, so it is not physical engagement. It isn't the lighting. The loud noises, maybe, but I have a nephew who can sleep through that. It's the conflict within the movie. Good vs. evil. Good-guy vs. bad-guy. Relationship building vs. relationship destruction (chick flicks are movies, too...). This is why a good plot matters: it builds conflict, draws people into it, adjusts the conflict to keep it interesting throughout the film, and then pays off the conflict with a meaningful resolution. This is also the dirty secret of the news: news people rely on conflict to sell their wares.
Despite how much journalists claim they are all about presenting the news, they are not trying to sell the news: they are trying to sell advertising. The nightly news ends every segment of their show with a tease about the upcoming segment. The tease is meant to put a little conflict into your life so that you will want to have it resolved and will hang on through the commercials to get the pay-off. They leave the weather till the middle, and the sports till the last so that people will hold through the commercials. They concentrate on showing news that is more horrific simply because it is more engaging, and they want your eyes and ears around when the commercials come up.
TV shows do exactly the same thing (House M.D. anyone?). Only it can be worse: at the end of the season they may give a giant cliff-hanger to get you to hold through the summer. And what if the season is canceled? Then we have to live with not knowing how the series ends (Thank you Traveler).
Conflict is also how talk radio works: the best ones have a healthy level of conflict. And the dirty secret is that a lot of liberals love talk radio, even though they may vehemently disagree with the host. Music radio does the same thing by trying to balance new, good music (more expensive) with older music (cheaper), so that they can keep you listening, particularly through the commercials. This is also what can make or break video games. As well as blogs, about any topic (unfortunately, I do not trust enabling the comments on these blogs because I would need to implement some sort of CAPTCHA to keep out SPAM bots, and I don't want to do that yet...it's not about whether or not I trust your comments...honestly...who throws a shoe).
Anyway, what does this have to do with meetings and church? Have you ever been to a meeting or Sunday School lesson where you come out completely invigorated? I guarantee you that conflict was involved. People presented interesting ideas or interpretations, and thoughts were shared. Sometimes people disagreed quite forcefully, but hopefully it never came to blows. In the end, if everyone is centered on the same goal (i.e. understanding the scriptures and God while still maintaining friendships), then the meeting will go well. In fact, as Lencioni states, conflict is a sign of trust. Where there is trust, there is teamwork. The reverse also holds: if there is no conflict, there is no trust. If there is no trust, there is no teamwork.
But if we are in a constant state of tension, won't we end up fighting constantly? Maybe. But let's look at some scriptures, first. One of the classic anti-conflict scriptures is 3rd Nephi 11:29-30:
29 For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
30 Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.
Yikes. How can I disagree with a direct quote from Christ: contention is of the devil. I guess I am supporting the devil here...but not really. I believe that there is a difference between contention and conflict. Conflict is a subset of contention. Within many movies, the conflict is is outright contention, while chick flicks and good family films aren't necessarily so.
So what is the difference between conflict and contention? I believe that the true heart comes with the "with anger" clause of Christ's statement on conflict. I can disagree with someone without getting angry. When we both have the same ultimate goals, we can amicably disagree about paths toward that goal without being disagreeable.
In fact, I believe that the world is designed this way. Let's read some more scriptures. 2nd Nephi 2: 11:
11 For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.
Opposition is essential, otherwise there is no life, only death. That's amazing. So where else do we see these differences that make us alive? I have a long list of places where I see teamwork, and as a result I also see conflict:
- Ourselves: Body and Spirit. Sex drive and respect for other people.
- Marriage: husband and wife. Female and male. Femininity and masculinity.
- Family: parents and children.
- Work: boss and employees. Company and customers.
- Church: leadership and flock. Neighbor to neighbor.
- Government: collective good and individual benefit.
The list could go on, but I see these as forming a nice pyramid of teams, trust, and conflict that affect every-day life. And I see the key contributions of these conflicts centered in how we find a common goal between the conflicts. When two people have a common goal with different approaches and they can agree that that is their common goal, then conflict can happen, safely within that environment.
- Ourselves: Our personal happiness.
- Marriage: forming a family.
- Family: building close relationships, raising children, teaching virtue.
- Work: building looser relationships while taking care of basic needs.
- Church: building virtue within people individually and collectively.
- Government: protecting the society as a whole (which I believe is what Obama really wants when he says he wants everyone else to have a chance by "spreading the wealth"...I just do not agree that is the right approach to long-term sustained protection for society).
Building and managing conflict within our lives, not being afraid of conflict, but harnessing it for the good of everyone is a very good thing. Sometimes it is very hard to see where that line is, but I believe that we can all learn to distinguish that line, as long as we truly care about everyone. And I mean everyone.